Pardon my abscence

Please forgive the huge amount of inactivity on my blog. The last year has been a lot of upheaval, growth, change, and movement. But i can say that after several years of being very unhappy, mind you most of it was my own fault, I am happy. I have a wonderful homelife now with a partner who cares for me deeply and makes me feel like i matter. We have our dogs and not much else but you know what? IM great with that. M y next post will be dealing with some painful issues i have had and im hoping it will help.

Land of the free-ish?

       I love how we as Americans have gone from being the home of the free to the home of the popular opinion. This rant, by the way, is about everyone vilifying Phil Robertson and I'll get there in a sec. It used to be that expression of ones beliefs was an inviolable right in this country. Now that right only extends to those who espouse popular opinions and politically correct beliefs. Yes Phil Robertson said some things that were very old fashioned in their moral code, but the man is well into his sixties. He is a product of his generation. My grandmother got married to her husband when she was 14. Its what people did back then. They also took cod liver oil and wouldn't run water during a thunderstorm. Era's change. You cannot, however, expect people who spent their formative years in one era to easily be able to change their worldview to something so totally different. Think of how far America has come is some respects. As I stated in an earlier blog, it sure isn't the same place i grew up. Leave the man alone. Actually give him props for sticking by his beliefs, regardless of how archaic they may be.
        I say all of this as an openly gay man, having read the interviews and not being at all offended by anything that he said. America needs a new hobby other than finding the next thing to bitch about.
Their are real problems in our own back yards that deserve the media attention that one man saying he didn't agree with homosexuals has gotten. While we are on the subject, what the hell is up with the whole nation getting butt hurt about what Phil Robertson said These being the same folks that cant get their shot together about gay marriage.
      In closing, Phil Robertson is not a monster, a pedophile, a crusaders against gays, or anything of the sort. Anyone who thinks so is an idiot. I watch Duck Dynasty and will continue to do so. Because its FUCKING ENTERTAINING. It isn't what my entire ethos is based on. Relax America, for fucks sake.

Priorities People....Damn!!!

 Ok so I am very sorry that Paul Walker passed away. I truly am, Facebook and the rest of the interwebs are going batshit crazy because of it. Tearful farewell videos, long maudlin and poetic post and general gushing has been going on since sometime yesterday. You know who i haven't heard anyone say shit about? That poor bastard who was trampled to death by greedy materialistic assholes at a walmart in New York. No outcry of pain or outrage like there was for a man who pretended to drive cars for a living. No outpouring of support for that poor mans family. Where are the videos mourning that man? The vigils? No....? No one? No one outside his family has anything to say for the poor guy who died just trying to do his job for a company that probably didn't even pay him enough to live on.. But people are more concerned that the pretty car driving man died in an accident.... The man in new york was murdered for all intents and purposes...and nothing....nothing at all.

Well god bless motherfucking 'Murica


Enjoy your Cheap TV

Patriotic Shame

   You can say what ever you want to about the following comment, but i could not give less of a fuck. I am deeply, truly, painfully ashamed to be an American in these days. When I was a child even in rural North Carolina, we were taught what a great country this was. One of the biggest points made to us was that this was a place of freedom and acceptance. Where anyone could be anything and freedom of choice was a guiding principle. Now we live in a world where people are allowed by law to picket dead soldiers funerals but not to get married. Where less and less you hear stories of truly good things happening. Gone is the sense of community that existed in my childhood. No one knows their neighbors anymore, and sadly that's more from self preservation than anything else. The little guy gets screwed, old people get completely fucked, and people seem to get an insane delight in finding heinously fucked up shit to do to each other. Religious freedom means every ones beliefs are respected and church and state are separate but God is used as an excuse to make policy. What happened to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness?  What happened to let freedom ring? Where did America lose it? It makes me sad, and like I mentioned earlier, very, very ashamed.

Love, loss, fuzzy things and stupid people

  Our family has suffered quite a few losses in the past year. Most of them have been our beloved children, our animals. I had someone tell me once while i was grieving one of these losses that it was stupid to grieve that hard over the loss of "just and animal". I said nothing at the time lost in misery as i was. Now, however, i feel the need of a rebuttal. First and foremost, Fuck you. How dare you tell me that he loss of a life i have taken care of for years is trivial. I have fed them from bottles, loved them, held them, been cheered by them, fought for them, cherished them. The loss i feel is devastating. My babies are gone. I am left with an ache that will never really go away, and memories to cherish for ever. That's all i have. Secondly, the disregard of life that that one statement showed makes it very clear to me why i hate leaving my house. People suck. Animals do not. Its really that simple. I can imagine that the individual is one of those idiots who will tell you that animals don't have souls. What a load of shit. I'm not sure even where I am heading with this now so I'm gonna come to a close. I just woke up with the compulsion to write this.

I must confess my weakness

I made a choice today that fills me with shame like i have never known. One of my babies, my pint sized terror, Tink the Ninja is dying. I held her for a couple of hours as there is nothing we can do to change the outcome and she isn't suffering. I could not, however, hold her until the end. I could not bring my self to do it. Not this one. I hate myself. I'm weak, flawed, selfish, pathetic. I could not bring myself to be there for my special baby when it mattered most. I am too wrapped up in my own misery, and now self loathing. The universe brought this special little light into my life 3 years ago. She has always been a constant source of joy and laughter. I cannot take her loss. I do not have the ability to handle the pain i am feeling right now. And i cant be there when she leaves my life. And for that i will always be ashamed.



P.S.
  I was able to man up. I held that little angel as she left my life..as if i didn't have enough reasons to hate god already.

To what ever supernatural higher authority.........

 To whom it may concern,
    Fuck you. I am not your personal whackamole game. You have officialy crossed the line with me...You have shifted me from apathetic indifference to down right Hatred and loathing. Its on motherfucker. That is all.